I know you’ve heard or even used the phrase, “hide your crazy.” Basically, that means that you shouldn’t let people see your issues or the little things about you that aren’t considered desirable to others. The proverbial “game face,” or if you are a church person, your “church face.” But, who decides what is acceptable and what is not? If you go to one group they will tell you what is acceptable while another group may tell you that very thing is unacceptable. Society tells us so many things about ourselves that simply isn’t true. Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and place for everything but we should all be able to be true to ourselves and be the person that God created us to be. So before I go any further, I want to tell you that it is okay not to be okay. It is okay to be you. Hiding your issues, your quirks, your problems, only causes more issues.
I guess you could say that I was a late bloomer in a sense. I spent my teenage years and most of my twenties comparing myself to everyone else. Wishing my life was like them, wishing my personality was like them, wishing that I had their talents and abilities. I thought those around me had more than me. More money, more opportunities, more of everything. If someone told me that I was a leader, I politely smiled but in my mind I would think, “ they don’t really know me!” I thought I was meant to exist, to do the behind the scenes work or to be in the background. While there is not one thing wrong with that, that is not all that God had for me. Somewhere in my late twenties and early thirties, I started to realize that it wasn’t just one person who said these things to me or about me. People were seeing me differently than I saw myself. The enemy told me that it was because of my family. It was because they were all leaders and the people around us, just expected that of me too. But, I started to realize that others in my life were coming to me, confiding in me, reaching out to me for help, needing me to listen. Other’s didn’t see me as I saw myself, nor did God. He knew who I could be and who I already was but the enemy wanted me to think I was stuck. I’ll never forget how it felt to over hear someone talking about me in a positive light and I almost convinced myself that it wasn’t me that they were talking about even though I clearly heard them speak my name.
As someone who naturally worries and has had anxiety since childhood, it’s very tiring to try and fit into a mold that others have created. I spent a great portion of my life trying to be who others told me that I should be. But, I was never comfortable being who they wanted me to be. I constantly felt anxious, exhausted and not good enough. I was comparing myself to others and trying to please everyone around me. Let me just tell you, it will exhaust you to the point of wanting to give up if you put this kind of pressure on yourself.
I spent many days of my life not knowing who I was. I didn’t fit into that mold that others needed me to fit into and even tried to make me fit into. I wasn’t like everyone else around me and I didn’t like that most of the time. It would have just been easier to be like everyone else. But, no matter how hard I tried, I just simply wasn’t. I know it sounds funny but He gave me a loud voice, so I am going to use it (in a positive way of course). He gave me the ability to listen to others, so I am going to listen. He gave me the ability to relate to people around me and help them, so that’s exactly what I decided to do. When I finally decided to take that pressure off of myself, that’s when God truly began to mold me. See, the mold He has for you is the only one that matters.
God makes us who He wants us to be. Psalms 139:14-16 says, I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. If we don’t fit into the world, that’s okay. Even if we don’t fit the mold of people who aren’t out in the world, that is okay too. Be who God created you to be. Be who He says you are! First of all, that means you are a child of God. Then whoever He has called you to be, that’s who you should be. I can tell you from experience that until you truly embrace who you are and who He wants you to be, you will never find true happiness and contentment. No one knows you like the very one who created you. I urge you to spend time with Him and let Him tell you who you are and what He has for you. The very thing you may not like about yourself because it’s different, could be the very thing that God wants to use to reach others.